RETURN OF THE LIVING ELVES coming November 29th!

From the author of Man, Fuck This House comes the brand-new novella Return of the Living Elves! It’s a horror comedy inspired by a certain very popular zombie film from the ‘80s, along with my desire to cash in on the holidays. It comes out November 29th and makes for the perfect gift, if I do say so myself.

When Christmas supply warehouse manager Jimmy tries to help new employee Tommy find a last-minute gift for his girlfriend, they accidentally unleash a long-forgotten and very seasonal genetic experiment with a taste for human flesh. As elf-zombie hybrids take over the small town of Pine Canyon, California, Jimmy fights to survive alongside Tommy's girlfriend, a Christpunk named Landfill, and a mysterious, PTSD-stricken soldier.

Watch the video here

Preorder the ebook now!

Preorder the paperback now!

Stoker Awards Preliminary Ballot + New Interview!

I am beyond thrilled to announce that my weird haunted house novella MAN, FUCK THIS HOUSE is on the Bram Stoker Awards Preliminary Ballot for Superior Achievement in Long Fiction. There’s a whole lot of indie fiction on there, too—think I counted three self-pubbed books in my category alone, plus great small presses like weird punk. I’m obviously over the moon to see my own book on there, but the way that the Stokers are recognizing indie/self-pub fiction and the amazing things people are doing to push the genre forward?

Incredible.

If you are an Active or Lifetime Member of the Horror Writers Association and would like an ebook copy of MAN, FUCK THIS HOUSE, please message me through the “Contact” option above or email me at brianasman0@gmail.com.

Also, I had the honor of appearing on the Visited by Voices show recently. It was a super fun discussion, and I revealed a couple bits of trivia about the genesis of MFTH I’ve never talked about before. You can watch the show here.

Yes, I'm Really* Giving Away a Haunted House

UPDATE: With MFTH at 84 ratings on Amazon, I’ve decided to announce a whole mess of step goals on the way to 1M sales once I hit 100 ratings. So, watch this space for further updates!

The other day on Twitter, I had what passes for a brainstorm—the PERFECT promotion for my new haunted house novella, MAN, FUCK THIS HOUSE (out now from Mutated Media and available in paperback/ebook!).

I should give away a haunted house.

Yes, you read that correctly. I’m planning to find a house for sale that the owners think is haunted, buy it, and give it away, which is actually a thing you can do. With one little caveat.

I need to sell one million copies of MAN, FUCK THIS HOUSE (cue Dr. Evil-pinkie-to-lip pose).

Now, is that a ridiculous number? Of course! But giving away an actual haunted house is a very ridiculous idea, and it’s not going to happen without some ridiculous sales. I’ve also got some step goals for various milestones along the way (100k, 250k, etc.—hell, if I can sell 10k copies I’ll do something very fucking cool).

This contest is also going to be good for my entire lifetime, so it’s not like the book needs to sell a million copies in the next month or something stupid. If it sells its millionth copy twenty years from now—and I’m sure anyone who knows me is raising an eyebrow at the prospect of me being alive in twenty years—then BAM, haunted house giveaway starts immediately.

I’m not naive, the chances of a little indie book selling like that are miniscule. But not impossible, and not unprecedented, either. You know the old saying, you can’t win if you don’t play. That applies equally to sports, gambling, AND haunted houses.

So, fuck it. IT’S GO TIME.

New Short Story in KELP Magazine, "Stool Pigeon"

Excited to announce one of the weirdest and darkest stories I’ve ever written, “Stool Pigeon,” has found a home at Kelp and can be read RIGHT FREAKING NOW! Check it out here: https://www.kelpjournal.com/post/fiction-stool-pigeon
”So the other weird thing about Bruno Harbeck’s bar was he had this pigeon. It sat on a stool next to a vintage Philadelphia Flyers pennant with newspaper layered on the floor underneath to catch the bird shit. Bruno had put this little studded collar around its neck and tethered the thing to an eyebolt sunk in the wall.

As far as I know, the bird didn’t have a name. Everybody just called it the pigeon. Or the bird. It didn’t really matter. Anybody would’ve known what you were talking about.”

New Novella Out Now!

It’s October 20th, which means my bizarre new haunted house novella MAN, FUCK THIS HOUSE came out yesterday!

For those of you who’ve read NUNCHUCK CITY or JAILBROKE, this is a bit of a departure. There’s still some humor, but it’s not slapstick, the stakes are higher, and the tone is—I hope—very unsettling. Funny, I initialed imagined something completely different, but without sounding too mystical about the whole thing, the book told me exactly what it wanted to be, and hopefully I’ve lived up to that.
Got a couple great blurbs so far, check them out:

"Brian Asman's Man, F*ck This House delivers an inventive take on one of horror's most tried and trusted genres. It's an off-kilter descent into madness and horror that'll leave you clutching your family close." -Zachary Ashford, When the Cicadas Stop Singing

"A whirlwhind of a ride...moments of mirth, moments of WTF." -Janine Pipe, author of Twisted: Tainted Tales

"Frenetic pacing, hilarious comedy, and inventive dialogue...[Asman] unleashes some suspense-building tricks worthy of King or Barker" -Nick Kolakowski, author of Absolute Unit
Intrigued? Go get it here or smash that MERCH button at the top of the page for signed copies.

New novella MAN, FUCK THIS HOUSE out October 19th!

Sabrina Haskins and her family have just moved into their dream home, a gorgeous Craftsman in the rapidly-growing Southwestern city of Jackson Hill. Sabrina’s a bored and disillusioned homemaker, Hal a reverse mortgage salesman with a penchant for ill-timed sports analogies. Their two children, Damien and Michaela, are bright and precocious.
At first glance, the house is perfect. But things aren’t what they seem.
Sabrina’s hearing odd noises, seeing strange visions. Their neighbors are odd or absent. And Sabrina’s already-fraught relationship with her son is about to be tested in a way no parent could ever imagine.
Because while the Haskins family might be the newest owners of 4596 James Circle, they’re far from its only residents…

Intrigued yet? MAN, FUCK THIS HOUSE is my version of a haunted house book. It’s weird, off-kilter, but is definitely the most “traditionally horror” long-form work I’ve published. And I can’t wait for y’all to read it.

Ebook preorders are up on Amazon right now, but if you’d like a signed copy, just click that “Merch” button at the top of the page, I’ve got some smoking hot deals going on.
All right, that’s all for now, enjoy your spooky season and crack open a pumpkin-flavored beverage of your choice for me!

It's My Birthday, Buy My Books!

Today, I turn forty. As a kid, I could imagine turning INTO a 40 (Steel Reserve, natch) but turning forty actual years old?

Inconceivable.

Since it’s my birthday, and a milestone one at that, I’ll hope you’ll forgive a little self-promotion. My newest novella, NUNCHUCK CITY, is just BEGGING to hit #1 in Amazon’s “Humorous Science Fiction” category. It’s currently on sale for $2.99 (ebook) or $8.69 (paperback). Of course you can hit that “Merch” button and get a signed copy, too—there’s no wrong way to buy my books!

Kind of appropriate I’m promoting NUNCHUCK CITY today, because it’s very much a hodgepodge of things I loved as a kid—ninjas, video games like DOUBLE DRAGON and BAD DUDES, liquified cheese—and things I love now, like satire, gore, and yes, liquified cheese. It’s probably the most “me” book I’ve ever written. And based on the initial reactions, it might just be the most “you” book I’ve ever written, too.

But don’t just take my word for it, check out what some of the critics are saying:

"Nunchuck City is well-written, funny and so strange you can understand why you've never seen a martial arts story like this before. Asman has created the B-movie that everybody has truly wanted to see but without the so-bad-it's-good and instead just: it's good." -Babou 691

"If you're in the mood for over the top action and comedy to boot, you'll be grinning all the way through to its suitably bombastic finale" -Kendall Reviews

"Nunchuck City has ninjas, it has fondue, it stars a fun cast, it has romance, and it has a never give up on your dreams message. It has everything a good story needs." -As Told By Bex

"One of the funniest, most The Naked Gun-esque stories I have ever read...If you love great writing, slapstick humor, and a memorable, totally lovable cast...you're going to adore this book. I promise." -What's Under the Covers Book Reviews

"[A] frequently violent, always funny send-up of the martial arts genre...Asman (Jailbroke) has a pitch-perfect ear for the tropes of martial arts movies" -Booklife by Publishers Weekly

NUNCHUCK CITY—punch boredom right in its stupid face, today! My birthday. Yes, I’m going to continue harping on that.

NUNCHUCK CITY OUT NOW + REVIEW ROUNDUP

You better NUN-CHECK yourself before you wreck yourself!

That’s right, folks, my brand-spanking new martial arts comedy novella NUNCHUCK CITY hits stores today! It’s the heartwarming tale of a reluctant ninja who just wants to open a drive-thru fondue restaurant. When an old enemy kidnaps the mayor, he’s going to have to drop the spatula and dust off his nunchucks one last time.

The book is pretty heavily influenced by side-scrolling beat ‘em up games like BAD DUDES and DOUBLE DRAGON—as a kid I loved getting to fight a bunch of ninja on top of a speeding tractor-trailer, but I always wondered WHY? Why are these guys fighting? NUNCHUCK CITY is my way of answering that question, and it’s also a loving tribute to everything from TMNT to the AMERICAN NINJA movies to the incredibly brilliant THE FOOT FIST WAY.

So far, feedback’s been quite positive, but don’t take MY word for it—here’s a bunch of really kind words from some awesome folks.

Babou691

Kendall Reviews

As Told By Bex

Under the Covers Book Reviews

Booklife

MyIndieMuse

Ghostville Hero

Interviews:

MyIndieMuse

Fanbase Press

More to come!